I am someone who thrives on learning. I have to learn how things work. Or learn the exact meaning of a word. I have to dig deep into the exacts. So, why has film funding eluded me? I think I have spent close to eight years learning under Carole Dean of From the Heart Productions I have read her books; bought other books from those she had on her podcasts; I have taken classes and have done everything I know to do, to keep learning, as she titled one of her books, “The Art of Film Funding.” I have so much extensive knowledge on the subject, you would think I would have had this pilot made already. Our budget is 2.5 million dollars. This number does not scare me. It is as close to accurate as possible. When I say the amount, it doesn’t cause my stomach to get fluttery. It is pretty cemented in my inner most being. So what is the problem?

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I came across this book, “Atomic Habits.” It wasn’t until I read this, (a few times) that the problem began to make sense. I was not identifying as someone who could raise the 2.5 million. We become what we identify with. I AM a figure skater. So, I do what is necessary in identifying as such. It is who I am. But I never actually saw myself or identified with being someone who could actually raise the 2.5 million dollars. Eventhough I have gained so much knowledge of being able to raise the funds, I never actually agreed that I could do it.

My mind is totally blown by this. I AM a mother. I AM a Grammy. I AM an author. But is it enough for me to just be an author? What if I were to change how I thought and said instead, “I AM a New York Times BEST SELLING AUTHOR.” Or in regard to my script of “A Redemption in Time.” Is it enough to be nominated for an award, or should I change my thoughts and say instead, “I AM an award winning script writer.” How about, “I AM an award winning filmmaker.” But in order for that to happen, the film has to be made. Carole Dean sent me a few affirmations to put in front of me. I actually have them taped to my desk.

1). I am perfect at pitching my film!

2). I love myself.

3). People know I am dedicated to my film.

4). People see me as a talented award-winning filmmaker.

I believe numbers 2 and 3. But what about numbers 1 & 4? I have no problem loving myself. I have know problem with people seeing me as being dedicated to my film. I do have an issue with being perfect at pitching my film, and I do have an issue with people seeing me as a talent award-winning filmmaker. So, why would funding finds its way to me, if I cannot even believe in my own talents or in others who will help me make it? This is so amazing to me. James Clear gave an example of two people. One who was “trying to quit smoking.” The other who said, “No! I am not a smoker.” Both were trying to quit smoking and the one who identified as a non smoker, would have better success.

Both my film funding and myself are on the road to recovery! I AM someone who IS raising the 2.5 million dollars needed for my two hour, full feature pilot!

Thank You, God! I am working on this and then I am going back to all of the knowledge gained by Carole Dean, Tom Malloy and so many others who I have been taught by. See, knowledge by itself doesn’t move. It is like a plane sitting on a runway. But without the jet fuel, the plane sits and cannot take off. It might have good intentions to take off; it might want more than anything to be able to fly. But still, without that fuel…it simply cannot!


Photo by Pixabay on

My identity of being someone who IS raising the film funding, is the jet fuel. I cannot wait to start raising the funds. WHY? Because I AM someone who is!!!


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