Every time I have to “level up,” (to go to a higher level or standard, to increase or improve), not gonna lie – it is exhausting. But a good kind of exhausting. At least I know I am making progress. I am thinking of the word, “efficient.” It is defined as “achieving maximum productivity.”
Without warning, we had to move my office to a two bedroom apartment, from a 4 story house. Oh and with four people too. The office that I have just painted a soft yellow for Summer Ray – I only was able to enjoy for about three months. My office doesn’t exist right now. I feel like a fish out of water, flopping around trying to survive. All my Summer Ray stuff is packed in boxes and I am supposed to be efficiently working? HA! Being on oxygen at night, and having to walk up three flights of stairs – by the time I reach the front door, I am literally gasping for breath. What the hell is this crap!!!
In total frustration, I finally inquired of the Lord. Wow! Maybe I should have started with Him first. I was like, “Lord, why is this the ONLY and I mean ONLY place that opened up for us?” I was like, “YOU KNOW – we have four people, a zoo and I no longer have a bedroom because the storage was so high and literally the boxes are now in my bedroom.” Oh I get to sleep on the futon in the living room – hey at least it is brand new! He only responded with two words, “Level up!” What? He didn’t want me to just level up to the 2nd floor where it would have been so much easier. Nope! I was promoted to the 3rd floor with NO elevator. Oh and moving day was nothing but cuss word city! Feeling trapped, hurt, angry and dismayed – I had to actually think about why He wanted me up here. One of the reasons I think is that the stairs will actually strengthen my lungs, after I climb them like 50,000 times. I have been overwhelmed by the many invites and messages from film festivals. This is a whole new experience for me. As a writer – I spend hours alone writing. Now that Summer Ray is global – via the blogs, and some of the invites are from other countries – I am having a panic attack at every new invite. Why? It’s because I am not yet conditioned to this type of attention and it is a tiny amount. What the heck am I going to do once Summer Ray – A Redemption in Time (https://thememoirsofsummerray.com/a-redemption-in-time-series) is a huge, box office hit? And it will be – just wait and see. But if I am not conditioned or trained in this type of atmosphere, I may hurt the project and I certainly do not want to do that. I have to literally buy books on how to handle success. I have struggled for so long with the project, now that the light of success is starting to shine bright – I am freaking out. I am training for the skating program in the film and it is very time consuming and it takes a lot of discipline and hard work. But I am dedicated to making my part of the program, all that it should be. I am conditioning myself for this because if I didn’t, I would be a total failure at it.
I have to trust the Lord and take the time, to learn how to communicate. My presentation must be on point. I must be on point. So, the questions I need to be asking Him are 1). What is it that I need to “level up” on? 2). How should I be praying for the project?”
Truly, I am no longer in a hurry to get this film funded. Right decisions must be made, with the right people or there again, things could fall a part. I have to get a grip and understand His timing. For the Lord to talk to me about learning how to be successful is a big deal. It isn’t just getting rich and famous. It is about handling the growing success without it destroying me or changing me for the worse. That is what I believe is on the heart of Father God. So, I have to desperately seek answers on how to not let those bad things happen. Pride is an ugly thing. We have all seen it. I don’t want to be so full of myself that I forget to be kind to someone in need or not in need. Manners and kindness goes a long way. But it is also in making wise decisions. So, I am going to get the books and study materials I need to learn how to condition myself for success.