THE MEMOIRS OF SUMMER RAY

I try to make my blogs as honest as possible. Like right now, I do not feel like doing anything! I am sad and discouraged, (not about the project) but about my own progress getting my strength, flexibly and endurance back from being so sick. I am supposed to be Summer Ray’s skating double. But definitely not in the shape I am in now.

Along with COVID, comes exercise intolerance. If I overdo it, my body will shut down. Then, like the above picture, I try to force myself to skate. When I can’t do what I did the week before, I get seriously upset. It is true, I have made progress from a year ago. It took a year for me to be able to walk a mile without gasping for air and stopping, because I was so exhausted. So, I have to somehow change my mindset. My coach, Physical Therapist and COVID doctor, all say the same thing, “slow and steady.” The good news is that I was on the ice. The good news is that I skated for about 20 minutes total without a CPAP. The good news is that soon I will have a new pair of skates that are lighter. The ones now, due to so much loss of muscle strength, they are just too heavy. I am able to lift only five pound weights still, but I am doing more reps and more stretching. I was able to make it through a 2 1/2 hour video shoot to promote the books and film.

I just want to rush through and get to production. But at the same time, I still have to trust God’s timing. We are making progress and I need to center myself on the good and stop being so depressed about what I can’t do right now. My muscle memory is still there on ice. I still know how to do the moves. I just haven’t been able to execute them like I did before I got sick. But maybe I can make them better. I have to flip the switch and turn on the positives. I hate my weight. I hate the hair loss. Just being real. I do have hair as that is me on the ground filming. But COVID stole a lot of it. But I should be thankful I am not going through chemo and lose it all. I did lose most of my hair after I had the flu, sepsis and pneumonia. I just don’t want that to happen again.

Right now, my coach and I are working on one year goals. My focus is the skating program and what I need to make it a beautiful and moving one! It is true I can do it in segments, start and stop etc. However the director wants to film it, I want to be ready. I will be ready! I can want all I want.

“Do or do not. There is no try!” YODA

I have to “unlearn” what I have learned. I have to stop with the pity parties. I feel like absolute hell at times. One minute I am exercising, then next my body shuts down. The problem is that I never know how much is too much. COVID causes exercise intolerance and for an athlete, it is a very hard thing to deal with. So, I absolutely need to take it in little steps instead of leaps. I will be ready for my skating program. But only if I stop as previously stated with the pity parties. Those are a waste of good time. I woke up this morning with oxygen levels between 97-100 and that is with 3 liters of oxygen. But the day before it was 89-92 and with 3 liters of oxygen. On a Facebook post my coach stated:

“You still have started to recover from the over exertion already – only 2 or 3 days later!! So that’s great progress! Last time this happened I believe you had to skip skating for a week!” 

I have blogged this journey so I can go back and see how far I have come as an author, screenplay writer, and producer. But also to see how I have grown throughout all these real life battles of good vs. evil! Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy and we have to stop it. Cathy is in my corner, helping me and fighting this fight with me. She also is in the film as Summer’s coach. Hopefully, these blogs will help you through some of your own darkness, or on the days you just want to quit. “Do or do not. There is no try!” Turn on the positives!!!

Thank you for being a part of our Summer Ray world.

Reference: YouTube